Major Sideye for "Popular Running Culture"

I am in a very curmudgeonly mood today.  Most likely because a running acquaintance of mine recently looked at my Strava data and said, "huh, you look like you'd be much faster."  LOOOOOL!

I've spent the past few days catching up on running blogs, and there are some things that I am just DYING to complain about.  Ready?  Yeah, me neither.

1.  I hate how half marathons are feminized.  

I've mentioned this before, but I hate how half marathons are marketed as the girls' version of the manly marathon.  I hate all the See Girls Run and Nutella tie-ins and wine races and things that are meant to attract groups of girl friends.  I wouldn't be caught dead at a Disney Princess potluck, much less a road race.  I don't want paint thrown on me while I run.  Past a certain point, it just seems like things are being dumbed down for the silly li'l' ladies with their delicate lady bodies.  As my old swim coach would say, "suck it up, buttercup."  You can run the whole damn marathon.  Just try it. 

But then I see flyers like this and think maybe I DO want to put on my sexiest heels and "spur on my training" with two of my closest galfrans and our evening clutches.  Wait, still no.

2.  I hate the culture of "race bling."

If you are racing specifically for a medal, you should maybe stop and ask yourself when your life became so unfulfilling.

Awwwwwwkward. 

At the Mercedes Marathon, a volunteer at the finish line forcibly handed me a medal, which resulted in some pretty self-conscious and cringeworthy photos.  I mean, am I the only one?  Not to be all Debbie Downer here, but aren't there better ways to spend race entry fees?  Like more money to charity or more bananas or something?

3.  I hate everything about the marketing of "easy" races.  

You guys!  This race has a faster average finish time than Boston!   Six out of ten runners set new PRs!  It has a net elevation loss of 2700 feet!  This race is so crazy fast, your face will literally melt off!  You can go ahead and buy your ticket to Boston!  But act now, supplies are limited and this race WILL.  SELL.  OUT.

Again, you maybe need to ask yourself some hard questions.  Mostly, "Why do I run?" and "How old am I, again?"  There's a lot of evidence these "fast courses" don't really improve times much anyway.  Maybe you should work on becoming a better runner, and not so much on gaming the system.  And if you are running for a personal challenge (and not to set world records, as I'm assuming most of you are my fellow recreational runners), then wouldn't a difficult course be more rewarding?  Just asking. 

4.  I especially hate how female running clothing is all pink, purple, and pink.  

Especially since my watch band is red.  That is all.